The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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