Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
