it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
