I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize