I am puke
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
