It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
