nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize