I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
