the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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