My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
