ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
