Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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