Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
