Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
