I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
