If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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