zippers are such a cool invention
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I want a musical about memes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
