My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
