ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
