I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
