I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize