Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My penis needs a shock collar
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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