I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
