Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
