She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
