my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
