I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
