As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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