either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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