So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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