the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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