Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I will be naked everywhere
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
