people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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