the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
