I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize