I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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