I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
