I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
