dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
ttyl tear gas
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
