Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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