i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
