it was like his penis was on wheels.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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