Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Help. Why am I so naked?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
