I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
