There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
