girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
