Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
