why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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