I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
