i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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