Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
