I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
