Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
