U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
