I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My feet surprised me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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