Whatcha textin bout Willis?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
