Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
