Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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