Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
