You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She told me I should be a condom model.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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