then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
