Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
