You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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