apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
