You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
