The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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