the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
