If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
