Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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