make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just forgot I was standing up.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
