She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
