i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
