I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
